8 posts tagged “family”
Who's the hardest person to shop for on your holiday list?
There are lots of people that hard to shop for. The hardest is my boss and my grandfather.
I feel so depressed about the holidays because I have no money this year to get anybody any presents. The only people that are going to get something is the little kids. Like Melissa, Aracely and Jasmine.
<3 R
Cat Power - Paths of Victory
Work today was okay. I was dreading it because we had freezing rain all last night and I knew that most of our appointments and surgeries were not going to show up today and that we'd have a cranky doctor and a lot of time to find useless meaningless things to do. He made me do inventory. LUCKILY - Rob stopped in because they were just up the road at Hollywood Video and he stayed with me for three hours and helped me do inventory. How sweet is my man? :) He counted so many pills, I thank him so much.
I have been realizing lately how lucky I am to have him. I know that things are shitty at times, and I know that sometimes I will find myself regretting things I do EVEN IF my motto is not to regret. I have to focus on the present and the future, not the past. Remember, that is things that cannot be changed no matter how hard we try to think we can. Let's just stick to ENJOYING the present.
My mum has mentioned Rob and I moving to Rock Valley, IA or Hull, IA and renting a house or even buying a house. There's a place that is looking for a graphic designer and my aunt knows the owner very well. And she says that Rob could work at a place where they laser cut pieces of metal. The whole idea sounds so appealing to me, no matter how much I hate small towns and how much I don't want to live there. It would be great to get everything stable.
The Strokes - When It Started
My dream really was to move to Minneapolis or some city like that sometime soon. Somewhere that would have lots of concerts and a CULTURE and things to do that don't have to do with agriculture. And where they may have gay people and black people and other Latinos and maybe museums! That's what I want. I want to go back to NY. SIGH.
Andrew Bird - Weather Systems
Whatever. We don't always get what we want, but you will find that you always get what you need. Or something like that?
<3 Ro
Iron & Wine - Lion's Mane
I talked to my parents. I told them everything. I exploded on them. I think I may have put too much things on them at once. I also talked to my grandmother and told her MOST of it. I feel so much better that I don't have to keep secrets. I feel like I don't have to hide around things and that I don't have to lie about my cuts and scratches.
Architecture In Helsinki - It's5
So, Mini and I got our problems worked out somewhat. At least to the point where I don't have to feel like I have to cry about it everytime I think about it. I'm still going to the hospital tomorrow, at least I think so. My parents want me to go, and I think that I would benefit from a couple day's stay. However, I am at a conflict. Fuck, my whole life is at a conflict.
Jenny Lewis - Happy
The Rabbit Fur Coat album is very depressing. But it seems like it's very apropos to my current situation.
My grandfather died. I mentioned this before, I know. I didn't know him very well, but I feel for my dad who feels that he didn't get to see his father's last years. And he doesn't plan on missing his mom's. He's going to go see her in Mexico sometime. I don't know when... but I do know that he doesn't want to put it off. My grandfather dying on the 8th and my other grandfather's birthday was on the 9th. Weird, huh? Funny how life works that way. I hope everyone at my mom's house is okay. Especially after I told them everything that I did.
Sigh.
My face is on fire.
<3 R
Recently: I have been so worried about my mental status and my energy and my emotions and MY LIFE that I haven't had time to think of anyone else. I have been a horrible self absorbed person, and I hope that it stops soon. I called my dad today and asked him how my grandfather was doing. He had a diabetes-related stroke and now can't talk or walk, but he is eating good and hanging in there. My dad is so sad and stressed, and I have been nothing but another source of stress for him. I will try my hardest to stop being so self absorbed and try to focus on the other people in my life that matter to me.
Hopefully: I will continue my medications and I will regain some sort of sanity. I have been having terrible headaches and body aches. It's Wednesday. it's Chinese food and LOST day. That's what we do.
I will write more later, I thought I had more to say, but apparently not so much.
What are your plans for the weekend?
Current Music: Silver Jews - "Sleeping Is The Only Love"
Current Mood: Headachey
Today, Rob and I went to Mitchell, SD and went to the store Cabela's. His mom gave him a gift certificate for 300 bucks to buy a winter coat and boots. We found a really nice coat, but there were no boots that he liked, so we didn't get any. He will probably look online. When we got home, I had a really bad headache to I slep for a few hours. It's now 730 and I have no idea what we will be doing now. We gotta get something for dinner, but I don't know what. He's making me choose, I hate that.
Tomorrow, I have to go to my mom's for awhile. She apparently needs to talk to be badly and didn't want Rob around when she did. That makes me really really nervous, but I am not going to worry about what it is that she's talking to me about becuase I am done with that sort of thing. I am only going to worry about things that make me happy, and what they think about my relationships isn't going to stop me from doing what I want to do.
That is it for my weekend. I work on Monday and Tuesday and have Wed and Thurs off. I'm not sure if I want to work a half day on Wed yet or not. I should for a paycheque's sake, but I don't really want to. My medicines have been changed. I'm no longer on the Trileptal and have been put on Depakote. I have only taken it once right now so I can't tell how it's making me feel. I'll know more as the week goes on. My psychiatrist also upped my Paxil to 80 mg. She wanders if I'm scratching at myself and thinking of suicide. I'm like, "I CUT myself and Yes I do" Ugh.
More later
<3 R
When does that feeling of not being at home at your mother's home hit you? It hit me today when I felt like an outsider, big time. My father wasn't welcoming to me or Rob, which is really unusual for him. Everyone was ignoring me like I had the plague. And hardly anyone said more than two sentences to either me or Rob. No one wants to get to know him, and I know that it's because they feel they have to have an allegiance to Anthony. But they have to realize that life moves on and this is it. And that's that, and it's not up to them to make up my mind for me.
Ugh. so anyway, it was really uncomfortable there today. Besides that, Anthony has become a source of stress and agitation for me. He talks to me on the phone and angers me or bothers me, I can't decide exactly which one it is. But it's really frustrating. And afterwards I feel like the world's worst person. No matter how hard I try, I just cannot be friends with him. I know that I don't HAVE TO BE, but he really doesn't have anyone around here and I wish I coul
Anyway, my song for today. Here you go:
What's up?
I'm not putting any tags on this one because there's no reason to. Well, I will but I'm not tagging it with QOTD or the subject because honestly, this is the gayest question of the day ever.
So, nothing is up right now. My family, 4 yr old cousin, and Anthony are here. We had dinner with my grandparents, my little sister, and my great-uncle. It was really nice to have my entire family together, but I get crap about Anthony and me not being together. So I had said to Anthony, "Oh you look handsome today!" And my grandmother immediately assumes that we're getting back together and that things are fine. Also, my grandma says "Your grandfather said that he's happy to see you two together because he was starting to think things." And so I say to her, "I'm his best friend, he's mine, and we're always going to be close, but we're never getting back together." I hate that I have to make sure that I say that sort of thing EVERY time I even talk to Anthony because they just ASSUME things.
I wish that Rob was more willing to meet my family. My mom asked me about him and I said that he was a friend and that he was coming up and staying with us next weekend. And she said "Do you know him?" I said, "Uh, yeah." LIke it was a really dumb question and she told me to be careful. And I didn't say anything, but it makes me kind of sad to keep him a secret and it makes me sad that it will be a long time before we can continue our relationship. I refuse to do so until he meets my family and I know that things between him and them will be okay. I guess I'm an old fashioned girl... they mean a lot to me and that's the way things will be.
So... yeah. Now my family and Anthony are still here, but I just want to be alone. I know that's a terrible thing to say, especially since I'm alone all the time. I kind of want my parents to stay overnight, but if they do, Anthony will leave, and if they go, then Ant will stay. Why can't they all just go or stay or not put me in the middle? I don't know.
I'm confused.
<3 Ro
How many places have you lived in your life?
Monterrey, Nuevo Leon, Mexico:
I was born here on July 14th of 1982. I lived here until 1990. We lived in a colony setting at the foot of a mountain in a valley. We were surrounded on all four sides by mountains. We didn't live in the city, we lived in a suburb. We had it pretty good. My dad worked as an engineer for Metalsa. And my mum was a stay at home parent. I believe that the only reason we left was because my parents did not want us to grow up in a soon deteriorating neighbourhood. We then moved to Hull, Iowa because that's where my grandparents (my mom's family) was living.
Hull, Iowa, US:
Moved here in January of 1990. I lived here for many many years. I learned to speak English through a tutour that was British and lived part time in Sioux Center, IA and part time in Canada. She later on moved to British Columbia. I hated living here because of how cold it was and how barrish it was. I didn't really make any friends right away, and when I had the opportunity to make friends, I gave it up because they were mean to another girl named Sarah. Sarah and I were inseparable from 3rd grade to graduation.
I currently live in Sioux Falls, SD US. I don't really LOVE it here, but I enjoy it. I like how there's plenty to do and there's not enough people to start trouble. But I would really love to have the energy and buzz of New York. I miss New York a lot. Queens of course. Long Island I could do without. All it is is strip malls after strip malls and TRAFFIC. Queens has a lot of people and a lot of different things going on. There's Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, etc. Brooklyn I miss as well. More on NY later,I could write chapters and chapters.
Sigh. Anyway, who knows where I'll live next. We'll find out.
<3 R
