6 posts tagged “babbling”

When does that feeling of not being at home at your mother's home hit you?  It hit me today when I felt like an outsider, big time.  My father wasn't welcoming to me or Rob, which is really unusual for him.  Everyone was ignoring me like I had the plague.  And hardly anyone said more than two sentences to either me or Rob.  No one wants to get to know him, and I know that it's because they feel they have to have an allegiance to Anthony.  But they have to realize that life moves on and this is it.  And that's that, and it's not up to them to make up my mind for me.

Ugh.  so anyway, it was really uncomfortable there today.  Besides that, Anthony has become a source of stress and agitation for me.  He talks to me on the phone and angers me or bothers me, I can't decide exactly which one it is.  But it's really frustrating.  And afterwards I feel like the world's worst person.  No matter how hard I try, I just cannot be friends with him.  I know that I don't HAVE TO BE, but he really doesn't have anyone around here and I wish I coul

d be more welcoming and I wish he would have been more open.  But then again if he had been more open, then we probably wouldn't have broken up... and everything happens for a reason.

Anyway, my song for today.  Here you go:

The Trip: This is the last Vox entry before the trip up to MSP.  I proimse.  I have a few things yet to do.   I have to pick up my bedroom a bit and clean up the bathroom.  I'm trying not to make myself anxious.  I have to pack as well.  Ugh.  I hate last minute things, like packing and shit, because I always feel like I'm forgetting something.  Oh well, it's only for a few days so I'm sure that I can get by with whatever it is I forget if I do forget something.  I'm very excited and nervous at the same time.  That whole "What if he doesn't like me?" thing, the whole "What if I'm not what he expected?"  and at the same time I know he will and I hope that we have a good time.  I don't feel like driving to MSP all by myself though.  That's going to be annoying.

Catching signals that sound in the dark
Catching signals that sound in the dark
We will take off our clothes
And they'll be placing fingers through the notches in your spine
And then when all is breaking
Everything that you could keep inside
Now your eyes ain't moving now
They just lay there in their climb

Give it up for Two Headed Boy.  The world's most upbeat/depressing song.  I don't know why I was just listening to it.  But I love this song.  It always makes me feel depressed, but I still can't help but listen to it in it's entirity everytime it comes on my iPod.

I will take you and leave you alone. Watching spirals of white softly flow over your eyelids and all you did will wait until the point when you let go.

I bought new underwear that is so cute and fun.  Definitely not anything sexy, but oh well!  I also got two new bras, because I don't have any decent ones.  Suckage.

Okay, now this is totally stupid.  So ta ta for now.  I will update you on the MSP Leg of our trip later on.  :)

<3 Ro

So if you want to say yes, say yes
And if you want to say no, say no

I listen to this song on the way home from work everyday to get myself in a good mood.  To remind myself that I am out of work and that I need to enjoy myself.  And it helps to get rid of the emotions and stresses from the day so that I can be a clear headed and free person at home.  It doesn't always work, but most of the time it does.

I'm okay alone, but you've got something I need.

I think that we should get together.

I've been looking around the world, you've got something for me.

I have some new Flickr pictures, so you should go check them out.  http://flickr.com/photos/pinkrobotrocio/

<3 Ro

P.S. Rob comes to me tomorrow and I'm very nervous.

... are going to come back to you one by one.

Anyone that knows me knows that I'm a sucker for movies featuring great "father/daughter" moments.  Such as Father of the Bride which is what I'm watching right now, it's on TBS.  You have to give it to TBS for putting both movies back to back.  Rawk.  This is my lazy Sunday.  I love Sundays.  They are for sleeping in and pancakes.  I'm having pancakes for supper.

When I get married, IF I get married, the moment I look forward to the most is the father/daughter dance.  When I was at Michelle & Ramon's wedding, I bawled during that moment.  I don't really know why.  I would like to have a real wedding, but I guess whatever happens, happens.  It would be sooo easy to just fly to Vegas and have everyone have a grand old time while we just save money because we don't have to feed everyone heh.  I don't know why I'm thinking weddings, I think it's just because this movie is on really.  The song I'm dancing to with my daddy is a Hawaiian singers version of "Somewhere Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful World"  Yep.

Sing me Spanish techno!

I'm nervous about driving to Minneapolis on Thursday.  I hate driving long distances especially when it's by myself.  I mean, I've driven to Omaha plenty of times and that's the same distance away, so why am I so worried?  I feel like I have SO much to do.  I have to clean up my room, clean the house, and clean my car and empty the trunk.  I gotta pluck my eyebrows, go to the beauty salon, and go shopping.  BLAH.  Lots of stuff to do.  I'm not going to to worry too much about it though.  I'll just do things one at a time.  But for now, I'm enjoying my lazy Sunday and you can't make me work on it.  :D

Manu Chao has some good music.  Good job, Juan.  He does good at picking good stoner music.

<3 Ro

What's up?

I'm not putting any tags on this one because there's no reason to.  Well, I will but I'm not tagging it with QOTD or the subject because honestly, this is the gayest question of the day ever.

So, nothing is up right now.  My family, 4 yr old cousin, and Anthony are here.  We had dinner with my grandparents, my little sister, and my great-uncle.  It was really nice to have my entire family together, but I get crap about Anthony and me not being together.  So I had said to Anthony, "Oh you look handsome today!"  And my grandmother immediately assumes that we're getting back together and that things are fine.  Also, my grandma says "Your grandfather said that he's happy to see you two together because he was starting to think things."  And so I say to her, "I'm his best friend, he's mine, and we're always going to be close, but we're never getting back together."  I hate that I have to make sure that I say that sort of thing EVERY time I even talk to Anthony because they just ASSUME things.

I wish that Rob was more willing to meet my family.  My mom asked me about him and I said that he was a friend and that he was coming up and staying with us next weekend.  And she said "Do you know him?" I said, "Uh, yeah."  LIke it was a really dumb question and she told me to be careful.  And I didn't say anything, but it makes me kind of sad to keep him a secret and it makes me sad that it will be a long time before we can continue our relationship.  I refuse to do so until he meets my family and I know that things between him and them will be okay.  I guess I'm an old fashioned girl... they mean a lot to me and that's the way things will be.

So... yeah.  Now my family and Anthony are still here, but I just want to be alone.  I know that's a terrible thing to say, especially since I'm alone all the time.  I kind of want my parents to stay overnight, but if they do, Anthony will leave, and if they go, then Ant will stay.  Why can't they all just go or stay or not put me in the middle?  I don't know.

I'm confused.

<3 Ro

I keep thinking that I have all this stuff to do, but I keep cancelling and making new appointments, my staff meeting at six has been cancelled and rescheduled for the 12th of Sept.  Which is fine with me, because I didn't feel like going.  I'm going to the Chiropractor at 5 and my therapist at 4.  I just finished putting together Rob's birthday package and I hope that he likes everything I've gotten him.  I always enjoy shopping for people's birthdays.

I bought this stuff you slather on your nails and hopefully make them stronger and healthier.  :)

I really would like the days to go faster.  But things are like... going at a snail's pace.  I also don't really WANT the days to go any faster because that means that more bills come.  Yuck.  I have to pay the rent soon and the Energy bill.  Goddammit.

Okay, I'm still reading "Still Life With Woodpecker" by Tom Robbins and it's so confusing, I mean, I've read it before and I thought it was the greatest thing ever.  But now I'm confused.  Maybe I'm not paying enough attention.

Okay, so good bye.  I will post more later.
<3 R